Sometimes it’s perfect, other times it’s a roller coaster both physically and emotionally.
It makes me hate life sometimes and having diabetes can make the feeling worse when that happens.
I suck at trying to make it perfect all the time.
Holding in every tear gets hard too.
Never knew a heart could feel this broken and worn.
But I put on a fake smile and make everything seem fine…even when it’s not.
You are not perfect. I am not perfect. I can see that ever day I wake in the morning and look in the mirror. But in the months after my diagnosis, I didn't understand that. I was angry and depressed. In hindsight, I realize that I was grieving. In a sense, I had died. The old me was gone. The one who could eat whatever they wanted, not have to do all that diabetes stuff and could just be the same as all the "normal" people around me. And my mortality hung over me like a cloud, I felt my impending death.
Looking back, I now feel like I went through by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross five stages of grief. The five stages are:
D'Nial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
These things happened in various stages and ups and downs, but eventually I came to terms and accepted things. These days I feel a lot better, as though I was a Phoenix that arose from my destruction.
Your feelings are real. They are part of your processing what has happened to you. It is ok to cry and it is important to not keep this bottled up. Things are not fine, and you won't get better. But over time, you can deal with what has happened to you and live a healthy happy life, it will just be different.
Don't try to be perfect listen to what bcs says. Hey Honey even after 38 years (soon to be 39)I still strugal with the D {{{Hugs}}}
Oh Kelsey. It took me a while, but I came to realize that "perfect" has a different definition in the world of diabetes. It's probably more accurate to say that it cannot be attained. I think you, like me, have come to learn that if you put in enough effort, if you try hard enough, then you will succeed in life. That holds true too, for diabetes, but with diabetes, success includes having some coloring outside of the lines. I've redefined "success" in the world of diabetes and it has made it easier. Maybe you can cut yourself some slack and see that you are succeeding as well. I bet your and Michael's pizza boluses worked out pretty darn well! ;)