How did this happen?
When did I decided to give in? or have I completely given in.
Keep pushing. keep fighting. don't give up. you are strong. it could be worse so be happy for what you have. be thankful. Enjoy life. don't shut it out. It sucks sometimes but you'll make it through. Don't forget tomorrow is a new day. try again and keep trying. Don't look back, move forward. There are people who love and care about you so don't let anger, self doubt or frustration get in the way of who you really are. Be positive.
I don't know how many times I have said these things to myself. I've noticed that I don't get as hurt about having T1D as I first use to but I have also noticed that these words hold little power and don't have the same motivation and affect as they use to. I have given in so many times to the cravings to the anger to the bitterness and frustration when I know I should not have. And now breaking this patern is very difficult and depressing. I look back and I wish I could have told myself SERIOUSLY YOU WILL BE OK!!! But then I didn't kmow and now I do know...
Words of encouragment, motivation don't hold the same meaning anymore. I look in the mirror and I see the damage I have done to myself. Going back and fixing this mess, it honestly just doesn't seem possible. I know I slowly trained myself through this cycle over the years and now I have to slowly break the cycle but I just don't know how.
If I could ask for one thing right now it would be to have stronger will power to be able to resist and fight the urge and to just be.

Wojuldnt it be great to be able to take a vacation from diabetes? I’ve been type 1 for 27 years and it sucks! It’s ok to think that way BUT unfortunately we don’t get the luxury to take a vacation. So do something that you like to do! Treat yourself to an icecream without the guilt or buy yourself a gift if it’s in the budget or go take a walk on the beach or your favorite trail if that’s your kind of thing. I think you catch my drift. Be easier on yourself. Allow yourself those feelings but continue to take care of yourself because your worth it! My psychologist who is a diabetic specialilist wrote a great book called " diabetes burnout " his name is william Polonsky. Check it out at the library. I wish you the best of luck and I guarantee you one thing, we’ve all been there at one point with this diabetes crap!