Trying to make sense of my feelings

My dad died a little while ago—his death was a good thing–he has been dying of cancer in a hospice for the last 8 or so months…but their still part of me that feels guilty that I am not sad he has passed. I am SAD he is gone, but glad he is not suffering any longer.

My mom and siblings are mostly estranged…long story…my dad and I had had our words–I knew it would be soon as he told me goosdbye yesterday–he had been hanging on because other family members were not ready to let him go…but I feel so stargnly unable to grasp my feelings…

just needed a safe place to talk–my hubby is wonderfully understanding–he lost both his parents to cancer–he says he understands and there is really no putting it in words that he found either…

It is a very strange feeling, not comfortable, kinda overwhelming, kinda surreal…

guess I should just quit trying to pur words to it…

Sending you big hugs and hoping you can find peace through this…I’m so sorry for your loss

We lost 4 very important people in our lives the last 6 months (3 were family)…
I can relate to that feeling … sometimes you can be relieved yet sad in the same moment…

Your dad is truely in a better place with no more suffering … it is really hard when they don’t want to let go…

I’m sorry for your loss, Denise. It’s hard to watch someone suffer before death. Personally, I don’t think you should waste a moment feeling guilty. Take comfort in knowing that you were able to spend time and say good-bye to your dad. There’s nothing to regret.

Time now to turn to the living. . . .

I just lost my mother in March. I know what you are feeling. Guilt is defiantly part of the grieving process. I know i felt incredible guilt after my mother passed. Just take things one day at a time. Remember no one has the right to tell you how you should feel. In time things get easier but i know i still have bad days myself. Hang in there.

Hi Denise,
I am sorry for your loss. The death of a parent is never an easy thing. Both of my parents are gone, so I understand. My father and I had a lousy relationship. Another long story. Never-the-less, I was sort of blown away when he passed. Regardless of our relationship, he was a larger than life action figure that played a huge role in who I am today as a person. My heart ached when he died. and I experienced every range of emotions from one end of the gammit to the other. I did not go home when he died, because the emotional burden was just too great, and afterwards I felt guilty. What I did do, was took off work for a week, and I just stayed home. I went through the experience and I felt every one of those emotions. My wife was understanding and just left me alone for the most part. It was a very difficult time for me, and sometimes I still wish he and I could have done things differently. I sort of had a love-hate realtionship with my father, but today I’m better, so I do know that time helps to heal the hurt.
The only thing I could say is just feel the feelings. Don’t try to hide them or cover them up, because its really ok, and its part of the grieving process. It doesn’t mean your good or bad, it simply means your human. Cry if you need to. Talk to someone if you need to, and if you just want to be alone and let the emotions go that’s ok too. Just let it happen, and don’t try to prevent it. You may feel guilty, but its not because you are–understand–its just a feeling, it doesn’t define who you are. There is no proper way to grieve, but it is necessary if we are to get better. Hope some part of this makes sense.
Peace,
Bobby

Thanks all…

and burning throug insulin like it was–“candy” ha ha…hitsmefunny at the moment–however might be a little off in thatdeptat the moment–off to hot choc and knitting think Chuck is on–if not surely there is a House rerun somewhere…

Denise,
What you are going through is SO rough. I think I mentioned to you: I lost my dad back Jan. 2005 to liver cancer. I loved him dearly and missed the times I could have spent with him that I didn’t, the conversations I could have had with him that I didn’t… there is no point… he was gone… I had to be thankful for the time I did have a chance to spend with him, to chat with him.

I ended up going to a specialist to help me work through the grief: I can only say it helped.

In the meantime, a big hug to you!