OOPS, I sent a message and could of added a discussion topic. Sorry about that.
Someone responded about a separate fridge - sounds like a good idea. (like the ones you get for college). He has his office which his spends most of his time in which is also right next to the TV room where he spends the rest of his time. The worst time is evening with my husband eating ice scream, 3 cokes, cereal with sugar and cream.
It has been hard to come to terms with some one who you've been with for 40 plus years and says he loves me, to not have that person's support. I do with my grown kids which is nice.
I'm going to start cooking what I like to eat, fish, green vegetables (no peas and corn are not vegetables, salads and some fruits. If he is hungry he can fix his own meals. Can you tell I am a bit annoyed. :)
It can be really hard when one partner wants to be healthy & change & the other doesn't. While it feels unsupportive, and it is, it's also about resistance. I've seen people be downright mean-spirited & resentful. The person wanting to eat healthy is viewed as an adversary to be sabotaged. Indulging loves company to make the indulger feel better about his/her unhealthy choices.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I have a friend who is baking pies and cakes, etc. for her family. Her sugar stays high. I was much more fortunate in that my husband never complained. I did fix rice for him in quantities and put single servings in baggies and froze it. Something to consider doing. But it's hard. I had to fix two Thanksgiving dinners for my family. One dau refused to eat dessert that had been prepared with any kind of low-carb sweetener. I tell her that her time is coming. Better get used to it.:))
Hey girl, hang in there, his day will come. I firmly believe that old saying "what goes 'round, comes 'round" is valid!
I saw your first note but can't find it now so I'll work from memory -- a REALLY RISKY foundation upon which to build. "40 plus years ..." you say, puts you in the same ballpark I play in. When I was a kid, back in the 40s and 50s, Mom made our meals and we ate what was placed in front of us. If you didn't like it, you went hungry. I don't think I every went hungry, not because I liked everything but because it was easier to eat what was in front of me. Looking back, I don't think that was an unreasonable posture for my folks to take, and I'd suggest you adopt it -- TODAY!
After my Dad retired, they sold the house we 5 kids had grown-up in and moved to a resort community on the Oregon coast. The first year or so was devoted to expanding the "weekend cabin" they'd bought so it could be lived in year-round. It was quite common for friends to drop in, and being "the cook", Mom dealt with feeding the additional mouths. At some point, as Mom tells it, friends stopped by and after a bit of chit-chat, Dad asked "What's for dinner?". Mom replied "Well, it depends on where we go". From that point on, they ate out quite often, and virtually always when un-expected company arrived.
so funny, after my Dad retired, they moved to the Oregon Coast for about 10-15 years. My mother kept cooking, my dad kept eating. My mom was quite spry. Moved to Portland and went from apartment to assisted living to nursing home. Dad died at 90, Mom at 88. No history of diabetes anywhere. of all the 5 kids, I'm the heavy one. I love your description of meals - you ate it, period. I think part of that was having grown up during the depression.
I've been catering to my husbands tastes for 43 years. No onions, no garlic, no curry, no green peppers, corn and peas are vegetables, and always rice but preferably potatoe. In my teens I was a pretty cook cook, but I just got tired of doing the same old thing.
I decided yesterday enough is enough. I've put what he wanted in front of him for 45 years. He shops, I cook. Red meat and potatoes.
New rule: You can eat whatever you want in this houses. I can eat whatever I want. Surpise, no dinner last night. I had fresh salmon with salsa and green beans - neither of which he will eat. I guess I could warned him ahead of time. at 7:00, he comes down and says where dinner, are we foraging tonight. No, I already had my dinner and since you don't like salmon or green beans, I ate alone. He cooked himself a hamburger and potatoe. and he was really angry, except 'he doesn't get angry'. So we are not speaking. Obviously there is more to this than just food.
Again I feel blessed, and not for the first time. My wife, who is not diabetic, couldn't be more supportive. Whatever I cook, she eats. When our schedules don't coincide, she cooks for herself, but even then she makes pretty good choices. She even says -- jokingly -- "I'm eating more vegetables now, and it's your fault."
She doesn't have diabetes and doesn't always understand what I am dealing with, but she never judges. She isn't the diabetes police, either (we all know a few).
I guess the diabetes police is the other side of the coin. :)
I was talking with my sister today, and told her what was happening. Without hesitation, she said WHAT, you've been accommodating his food choices for 43 years, no onions, no garlic, .....
I am going to get through this. And be better off because of it. One thing about diabetes is it is a real wake-up call to the fact your body is not immortal.
You know, I’m fortunate with my wife. She’s always eaten pretty healthy, and is still around 115 lbs. (only up 7 lbs. from our wedding 18 yrs ago, which is something I cannot claim). While we eat healthy and pretty low-carb, she still needs/wants sweets around, like cakes or doughnuts. At first, she would hide them so that I wasn’t tempted. I would find a box of doughnuts hidden in one of the cabinets. I have now developed enough will power that I don’t cheat very often, even when there’s a freshly-baked cake on the counter.
As for the lack of support, I believe the key is how you communicate. You won’t be able to have these discussions if you’re angry when you start. Plan out in advance what you want to say. The key points I would make would include telling them that you want to be around and live as long as possible, and that to do so, you need their help. Explain that you need to eat differently than you have done in the past in order to manage this disease that you will have for the rest of your life. Ask them for ideas on how they can help, and if that means separate meals, tell them that cooking two different meals takes twice as long, so if that’s what they want, they’ll have to share in the cooking responsibilities (which in my opinion, should happen anyway).
If you try to start this conversation while you’re angry, I think it is less likely that it will go well. Think in terms of helping them better understand what you’re going through, and hopefully that conversation will go smoothly.
