VENT ON FOOD and FAMILY.. HELP? How do I survive this?

KEEEEERAP!!! I was hoping to please hubby by going to dr and getting some little bit of relief from doing it on my own. Tarnation and LLLLL_FIRE!!!
GRRRRRR!!! ummmm… anybetter way to get it outta my system?
sigh… I hate this!!!
Now, My dearest hubby thinks I can just eat with the family carbs and all.
He just gave my almost 3 yr old a little more than a 1 cup serving of mac and cheese! I cant stop him… the crappy box says 1 cup is a serving!!! ( which happens to be 48carbs)
I wanna cry as he sees nothing wrong with it.:frowning: Why the hmmmm am I here on this earth if I cant get my family on the same page of health? For PETE’S Sake I’m supposed to be "mom."
MeadowLark end of this vent…


I echo what someone else said in another post. Work on what you eat first! My SO took a long time to stop undermining me, foodwise, not because he didn’t love me but because he is so into “food = love” and wanted me to “be happy.” It took a lot of education to get across to him that I would not be happy with amputated feet etc. And that carbs are what raise my blood sugar. It’s been 9 years now and HE’s the one who will give me a look when I yearn towards a piece of coffeecake when we’re at the cafe and say, “You KNOW you don’t want to eat that!”

Also, I agree that if you don’t buy it, you can’t eat it, so if you start buying more meat, eggs, cheese and green veg, and cooking them up yourself into tasty meals, the family will eat them. My kids adapted very well to my change in diet (I controlled exclusively through low carb for more than 6 years as I couldn’t get good medical support). The key was that I did buy them carby stuff they asked for, so they weren’t being forced to eat the way I did. But I didn’t automatically serve potatoes and starch for dinner anymore, or much dessert. I was raised by a mom who was big on Adele Davis and almost never served anything for dessert but fruit, and I survived though I do love dessert! But at least I knew it wasn’t a required part of every meal. And I have gone back to making it a special treat.

Hang in there, but as they say in the 12 Step movement, “Work YOUR OWN program.”

Hey MedowLark,
I know what you mean about family NOT helping!!! Last year I had my Type 1 daughter here too and could win SOME of the arugments over serving size and portions but now she’s living on her own and it’s just me, my husband and youngest daughter here and they think I can drink their tea that is loaded with sugar…Ugh NO. It will raise my bs to where it is way over 700 and I just get HI
I know this will sound selfish but after about 2 days doing that I decided to take care of myself and also putting my gripe on here to take care of myself and let them do what they wanted to do. Maybe that will be what you have to do too in the long run.

awwww hugz sorry you’re feelin frustrated MeadowLark!! As Jenny suggested, don’t buy the overly carby stuffs. (Like candies, cakes, pies, cookies and the like), or buy them in very limited amounts. If it ain’t there, they can’t have it!! ;0)Mac and Cheese has always been a staple in my home … easy quick meal for the kids. I always keep some around to this day, even though mine are all grown ;0) Since dx two years ago, I’ve eaten probably a cup TOTAL of mac and cheese! I happen to love it myself, but know it raises my BG thru the roof!!

All you can do is to explain the situation to dear hubby, and the pray that it sinks in, and lead by example ;0)! Explain that carbs are what raise your BG, that you can’t just go ahead and eat whatever, because you are controlling (key word there - controlling) your D with diet and exercise rather than with meds. That means that you have to be EXTRA careful about what you put into your body! You’d like to keep your life, limbs, and organs in tact! Let him know too, that you would like to limit the chances of your child getting D later in life, and that starts NOW with good eating habits! You don’t want to teach your child that NO carbs are good (because our body REQUIRES some), but you want to teach them to not go overboard on them. I agree, a full cup of Mac and Cheese for a 3 year old is a lot! (for all the 3 year olds I’ve ever know, anyway, my own 3 kids included) Unless that is ALL they were having. And the carb amount … faints LOL Why I don’t eat it! That’s more than my meal allotment of 45g! LOL I probably would have taken about 1/2 of it away and substituted with some other “good” foods, some meat and veggies, or some fruit even. Though I fully understand how most 3 year olds are … PICKEY PICKEY PICKEY eaters!! My nephew, who just turned 4, has been one of the pickest eaters I’ve ever known!! Lord have mercy! And trying to get him to eat a “meal” was like an act of congress!! The only way to get him to eat was to let him snack all day! Since he started eating “big people food” the only way I could get him to eat much of anything is, I’d just have to set out a paper plate on the coffee table with an assortment of stuff (finger foods) like cereal, cut up fruit, cut up hot dogs, snack crackers, etc. Usually fruit and cereal is what he’d eat most of! He’d snack all day long. I’d just “refill” the plate as he emptied it off. Little pain in the butt! LOL And while in my home (I’ve often kept him for like a week at a time) He rarely got any candies, cookies, etc. They were a ‘special treat’ specifically! I tried to keep his foods as healthy as possible. :0) He’s finally getting better, and will now eat “meals”. Thankfully!! His mamma (my baby sis) is a carb watcher (though not D, YET!! - hopefully never), and she’s real good about keeping her kids diets healthy as well, and with the history of D in our family, I think it’s a wise thing! ;0)

Thankyou Everyone,
Stephen buys all the groceries. He manages all the day to day spending. I pay all the bills. LOL! Right now with only one vehicle; I cant get out at all. He buys just enough
cucumbers,zuchini, etc for me to last 3 maybe 4 days at a time.
He just came home from a “caselot sale” ( military thing on base that they do once every 3 months or so.) He buys the cases of mac&cheese cereal etc…
Before the car broke down; I go the kids down to eating eggsfor breakfast twice a week. I like to make pumpkin/apple/ nutbutter pancakes that have no flour at all in them. ( Yummy and the kids love them!) sigh… When he was in Iraq; I took all the white sugar out of the house and was only bringing in 1 pound of brownsugar per month with 6 kids in the house! Somehow, I really need to change some food items around here.
At the same time; I’m tired of eating Eggplant parmesan, hummus, blackbean burgers, fish,chicken grilled. I need to change for some more variety for me. I just dont know what to do so that my bgs dont shoot up. I’m tired of experimenting. :frowning:
So many recipes that look good that I’ve seen lately would cost too much for me to fix. Our budget right now stinks. Too many bills and not really enough to alot for more than tons of carbs for the kids. ( my soon to be 8 yr old really needs to slim down about 10 pounds at least. She’s wearing a size 14 pr of jeans!)

The mashed potatoes thing is really simple to fix. I make the mashed cauliflower for myself, but then I do half cauliflower/half instant potatoes for the wife and kids. It gives the family the taste of potatoes that they like, but the benefits of lower carbs and more veggies that are good.

Wow, so much good information in this answers…

However I understand the frustration, I live it myself in a very different way…UH… GRANDMOTHERS … I know we (Manuel and I) could be so much better at our diet, there are so many ways to improve, I am constantly working on it and reminding myself…but I am aware I am still do not have a perfect system. Although my son does not have diabetes we control the quality and quality of carbs he gets.

It blows my head out when sometimes (way too many) he comes from Grandma’s house and almost can’t breathe because of the way she has stuffed him. I know she does it as a way to show him (and us) her love, she truly believes we do not feed him properly… (what makes me even more MAD) we have tried to explain, she has learn a lot, but most of the time I think we just have this gigantic generational bridge between our understanding, that will never change. For her food=love, therefore more food=more love… It is very hard for me to let it go when it pertains to Santiago…

I guess we have to concentrate on giving him the best example we can at home, so he can grow up to make the healthiest decisions foodwise… and now school is another issue, kind of the same conclusion.

Thankyou Andreina:)
I do understand that frustration only too well. I’m going to devote a post specifically to answer what you are saying as I feel it tells alot about us.
Things that I hadnt even spent much time thinking about.

I know I’m jumping in here months and months late, but this was the closest topic I could find on my current problem - I too need help in this department.

My husband’s family does not have the first clue about diabetes. (Mine is a little more knowledgeable, though not by much… but at least I don’t ever fear offending them by not eating something they serve!) Now I am a type II diabetic - and pregnant. Hubby’s been Type II for 10 years. Guess who is working harder at controlling diet and blood glucose readings - DUH, me. (Or should I say, who is working AT ALL at it… he takes his pills and his long-acting insulin, that’s pretty much the start and end of it.)

So naturally his family does not have the first clue as to how he SHOULD be eating, much less how I should be eating. No one else in his family ever had diabetes of any kind… so he’s the first.

I have to see two of his sisters (and two of the kids) next Thursday, March 27th, and the meal is… lazy lasagna. Cooked by the sister who is a nurse, the one most likely to have a clue about such health issues (oh well, guess not…). This is worse than eating out at a restaurant…!!!

Please explain to me how I’m supposed to handle this. I have both long-acting and fast-acting insulin for the duration of the pregnancy, but I’m thinking from what I’m seeing on the internet, one serving size has to be at anywhere from 40 to 60+ grams of carbs - so that would necessitate a fairly high insulin dosage (never mind whatever other carbs are on the table). If there’s a salad, I think I would have to eat the entire thing to fill up… Additionally, my endocrinologist feels I might be able to get a handle on my blood glucose just fine with lifestyle alone and possibly without drugs, POST-pregnancy, since so far I really only need fast-acting insulin for the meals that are over 20-30 grams in carbs, and since my insulin resistance will of course get worse through the pregnancy but should revert to something better after the birth… So between my own health and my husband’s, I think at the very least his family needs to know why we can’t eat what they’re serving when it’s high in carbs.

They already don’t like me, in particular these two sisters (there are four sisters and one mother, and just one brother). How do I handle this without appearing, heaven forbid, UNGRATEFUL (like we apparently look to them when we return clothes they buy for our daughter that are too small, since no one bothers to ask her size even though they live 1-6 hours from us and don’t see her…) ?

I considered bringing something extra that I would make myself (maybe eggplant parmesan squared?) except that I would have to take off work for part of the afternoon to get that done… it’s a weeknight, when my husband is off, but I work until 4 and that’s when we have to get on the road. If I take the chance and make that dish, how do I handle telling them why I brought it?

I sort of want them to know how their brother is willfully letting his health go to hell anyway… something that dawned on me only in recent years when I got my own diabetic education with gestational diabetes in 2003. It’s one of the things causing friction between us, him blowing a small fortune on medication copays (we are so in debt over his medications and related issues, it’s ridiculous) to treat his various ailments, yet doing NOTHING ELSE whatsoever lifestyle-wise to help himself…

I havent learned much better. I think it really comes down to doing what “we” know is right. It has been a painful,depressing journey so far for me. If I had it to do all over again… the first of 7 pregnancies… I would have learned more and gotten my eating habits under control 17 years ago. Even if it means cruddy mess with them: IT IS YOUR HEALTH!!! yup meant to shout that. I need to wake up to that too. If your hubby chooses to continue; well that is his business. You need to stay healthy for you and your little ones.
A little cheat that I have learned: grab a handful of almonds before dinner and crunch away.
The protein level will help balance out the carbs. It will also help fill you up a bit too. If they serve a salad; snag a big bunch and just take a small portion of the pasta.
Take a deep breath and try to keep yourself steady as deal with the verbal hassles you may get.
I had a crappy day with a birthday/easter egg hunt party today. The only thing available was a plain hotdog no bun and a diet soda from someone’s personal supply. By the time I got home, my bloodsugar number was 95. Before eating it was 120. So, I did survive, though it did not feel pleasant.
Find a comforting thought and hang on to it!!! For now and always.

Thanks… I tell you, it sucks being pregnant, as I normally depend on taking a Xanax to keep my own mouth shut when I have to see my in-laws, which of course can’t happen now! (Seriously… it’s either that or drink the wine when they offer it, which also is not an option anymore, and of course made me too tipsy when it WAS an option…)

I did tell his sister the nurse tonight about the fact that her brother really is not proactive at all about his health, and that I’m now in the process of getting him to my NEW endocrinologist, since I think the old one (who was mine in the last pregnancy) was too lax with him, where with me, she was the freaking glucose police!!

His sister really didn’t have a reaction. Nice. My fear is that he will die young, before his children are out of school, leaving me as a single mother without adequate life insurance from him, and deeply in debt. So, sadly, his health IS my business… like it or not. His sisters get on his case for the dumbest things sometimes - now they need to get on him about something that matters!

Please,please,please be careful about your pregnancy I had 2 kids while diabetic and now I"m paying the piper. Listen to the dr and be careful of your bg during pregnancy. I now know the folly of my ways way to late in the game. Good luck to you and don’t sweat the small stuff…

Oh, I think I’ve said somewhere on this site that I’m obsessive (7-10 times a day - my diabetic brother can’t believe it) about checking and maintaining a healthy glucose level for myself. It’s my husband who doesn’t do squat for himself other than popping pills and injecting Lantus when he’s supposed to, give or take within two hours I guess… That and other issues between us are completely stressing me out, which is a way worse problem for me overall, pregnant or not, than diabetes. I figure at least I have some measure of control over the diabetes, you know?

So that’s not the issue here. However, I was apparently diabetic in early pregnancy, before 10 weeks, so I can’t undo any damage done then. Scares me, but I can’t turn back the clock, I can only get the anatomy scan/ultrasound and fetal echocardiogram and pray, right?

I had gestational diabetes with my first, and I was just as exact about checking my glucose and keeping it in range back then as well. Healthy baby girl, 7 pounds, no known health issues, and she’s now 4-1/2 and very bright, funny and sweet. Gestational diabetes is, of course, different than Type I and Type II, and by the time gestational develops, all major organs in the baby have been formed for some time, so the risks are different, but I’m hopeful that my previous experience helped me get a jump on it this time as soon as I knew about it…

So… what do you mean, you’re paying the piper? Can you be more specific? Don’t worry about scaring me - I’m already scared, so I’d really rather have an idea of what might be ahead for me…

I had a total of 7 kiddos while doing the borderline and 100% gestative diabetes. sigh… If you listen to all the horror stories… you can become paranoid. On the other hand do be careful because what the dr’s and nurses say can be true. Keep the numbers too high/ face bad health issues in the nearer future for yourself and possibly your baby too. Still, dont get scared. Just be healthy.
For me, If I would have paid closer attention…maybe 2 of my children would not have static encephalopathy with lower functioning IQ. ( Just maybe )
I did not drink alcohol before,during or after my pregnancies. Yet, my 13 yr old daughter was jaundiced. Dr’s dont tell all. I learned thru Easter Seal website that the jaundice could have been caused by my too high bloodsugar numbers that were out of control during the first 5 months of my pregnancy with her. :frowning:
Still, she is very loving girl that is definately into arts:) I love my "bug"
All of my 7 children ranged in birth weights from 8 pounds 6 ounces to 11 pounds 5 ounces. All of them natural delivery:)
ok enough scaring! Listen to your dr’s take care of your diet and exercise. You wont have any problems.
Talk to me anytime you want. I know you can have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Enjoy your time carrying this wonderful little one!
Record some thoughts in a diary for that sweetie to read when baby is a bit older. Make sure to record some funny things to share laughing about. ( my kids love that part! including the burnt beans story:)

Hi Maryann,
I am sorry to come into this a bit late, but here is my 2 cents worth. I had five kids, but I think Meadowlark is probably your best resource here. I love her huggles and snuggles. In my opinion the best things we can do for our babies and ourselves is exactly what you have already been told. Watch your blood sugars, eat a very healthy diet, get plenty of folic acid and plenty of the omega 3’s, take all of your prenatal vitamins and lower your stress levels. Sing some soft little songs to relax for yourself and for the baby. Believe me i understand how tough it is to deal with other family members. But do everything possible to lower the amount of stress hormones you are making. I know that 9 months sounds like a very long time, but your pregnancy is a very special time. Enjoy it. And do take some time to record the special times as well as the everyday times. You will be glad you did.