We are different

I love this site. Really I do. But lately I'm having some issues. I'm having a hard time understanding why people respond the way they do. Now I'm not an overly sensitive person but I cry when I see other people crying. And I like to think I'm a compassionate person, but right now, I'm a sad person.

I'm sad that we forget how different we all are.
We all have different types of diabetes, different support systems, different amounts of knowledge regarding the disease, different medications, different levels of commitment to taking care of ourselves, different incomes, different treatments. We all shake at different levels. We all have different weights and heights. We all have different health issues (save one). We all consider spikes to be different numbers. You can eat 13 crackers and be fine but I may not be able to. Your doctor may tell you one thing while mine, another. Your perfect range may be 70-110 while mine is 80-150. You may go to bed at no more than 112 while I'll lay down at 180. We are meat eaters, and vegetarians. Some of us only eat Raw foods while others will eat, anything. Our diversity is what makes this place so wonderful. And at the same time, it makes us so hard to understand.

We read differently. We infer different meanings from what we see. No two people understand a single statement in the same way. What seems like an innocent comment to you may be belittling to me. We express our thoughts differently. Some of us swear, some of us don't. Some of use different terms or tone. Some of us LOVE sarcasm. Some of us complain because we just WANT to complain. Who knows?!

What makes me sad is when I read remarks, and they seem callous or quick to me. Sometimes our first instinct is to jump in and respond. I recently read a post that had me scratching my head. Instead of responding immediately, I decided to wait and see where the thread went. To try to understand why this person said what they said. To read into what may have been going on. It's hard sometimes to understand that a person may be ranting and not really want a solution. Sometimes that person can be hurting and not KNOW how to reach out for help. Maybe that person just got in a huge fight and wrote the first thing that came to mind. Who knows, the person may be drunk blogging! The point is, we need to take the time to think about where someone is coming from, not just react. We are different which also means, different things may upset us.

I'm sad that we don't always accept that what is "Normal" for me may not be for everyone else. I think sometimes doctors give us an obtainable goal so we aren't so overwhelmed that we just do nothing. Coming from a range of 250-380- my doctor wants me to be 150 or less during the day and 180 or less at bedtime. Do I think my doctor is a quack? NO I DON'T! I think my doctor and perhaps many others, set an obtainable goal. And when I reach and maintain it, I know that goal will be lowered. It bothers me that we act like everyone should stick to the same exact guidelines. We aren't cookie cutters. We aren't all the same. Do you think non-diabetic people are exactly at 70-120 all the time? They aren't. We've seen the chart showing that non diabetics can go up to 160 or 180 after meals. So if they aren't always in range, isn't it safe to assume we may be different too? It bothers me that we think it's ok to tell someone their "normal range" isn't good enough. If they are happy about their progress, can't we just let them be happy?! What is so wrong in being supportive, if only for a moment? I'm sad that sometimes we just don't remember that what we say can really cut down a person.

I'm sad when I see a thread that I know is going to start a heated discussion. And I'm sad that I take the bait, every time. It bothers me that we still feel the need to make statements that we know will get people wound up and make them defend their opinion. When we posit questions that we know will cause angst and confrontation... why do it? While I agree that debate can be healthy, the trend lately seems to be anything but. There's enough hurt and anger in the world.

It makes me sad that when I log onto this site, I look to see if someone needs a kind word because the direction of the comments are too harsh (in my opinion).

Now, maybe I'm completely off target. Maybe I'm seeing things that aren't really there and maybe I'm reading more into things. That's entirely possible. But lately, logging in feels more like "damage control" than it does support. I'm not saying I'm perfect. But I hope that in reading this we may stop and think about what our seemingly innocent comments can do to people. It's not my place to tell you what to think or type. I just think sometimes we need a reminder that these words can do damage, real damage to someone's self esteem. And I hope it is a reminder of how different we all are, and sometimes we need to take more care in what we say to people.

Well said.

Your perceptions are compassionate and understanding. Don’t be sad that everyone is not so blessed. Be thankful. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

Ahh Devon - you took the words right out of my fingertips with what you’ve just posted. Beautiful post my friend.

Here, here, Devon! Well said… :wink:

Great post, Devon! I know just what you mean. Sometimes I wonder if those who do not comment so favorabley to threads that should be supportive are actually spammers. I have seen plenty of it on other message boards. I was on other diabetes forum before this one and I stopped going on the other one because only one person was really helpful for me on there and eventually they stopped responding too. I got some cold shoulder because I was a vegan. Oh well, there lose.

Several times there often threads I might comment on but don’t because I might have the alternative view point and don’t want to get into a big debate. My basic philsophy esp on a support forum - if you can’t say anything nice, than don’t say anything at all.

We are definatley all not perfect and we are all different. Being new, I know I still have so many issues and questions and some times I feel dumb asking them because they seem so simple but that is what a forum like this is for - support - and I would hope no one would ever make me bad or stupid for asking my questions.

Great post. Sometimes we can agree and sometimes we can agree to disagree. The tough part is being able to do so and retain civility.

Thank you for your insight and wisdom Devon. Here, above anywhere else, we must remember that this is a SUPPORT group…a place to come when you need to be understood, “held”, given a boost. This is not the place one would come to be kicked down…God knows that happens frequently enough in the “real” world. Why would I purposely look for someone to hurt me?!! This said; if hurtful words and misunderstanding comes from “one of us”, it isn’t surprising in the least that the non-diabetic community throws us for a loop at times! Yes, compassion above all…that we may help one another become strong, and remain strong. Luv ya.

Nice post Devon!

You won’t say it, so I will:

You are Perfect! (at least with this post!) :slight_smile:

Fair Winds,

I get what you mean. I think what may happen is people want to help and sometimes they passion for wanting to help may sound harsh. I don’t even tell people my numbers because for the most part I would have to go into a long explanation of why low carb, this way of eating, or that way etc does not work for me. I have been guilty in my passion to help of coming off harsh and thankfully at least with the years my passion gives way to mercy a bit more.

It could just be my pollyanna view I guess I prefer to think it is zealousness then just plain being mean. We are indeed different. We are suppose to be different. Thank you for reminding us.
be loved

Hi devon, I am someone with numbers like yours and a doctor that says thats o.k. too. So I think it’s fine if somebody wants to keep their BGs in perfect alignment, but that’s something I can’t achieve and it doesn’t bother me. So lets hear it for imperfection!!

Devon, I completely agree with you. Because we cannot hear the tone of voice or see visual cues, misunderstandings can occur. Sometimes, I feel like members are trying to get their kicks by stirring up the pot to see how much anger can be generated. Many times I just avoid those discussions and members. Remember, we are all encouraged to report any comments that are at odds with our values here at Tudiabetes. At the very bottom (right side) of every page are the words “contact us” - this goes directly to the admin team that monitors the site.

I don’t know if you’ve had the opportunity to read this


keep up the good work of helping others here. You never know how a member might be feeling desperate and how a few kind words could possibly turn things around for them, as well as others reading your words. It happened to me when I joined here two years ago, and I am forever grateful to the kindness extended to me.

awesome. I especially sometimes feel we really beat up the docs. I love my team – they really take good care of me and I may not agree with them every time and so I question and research, but they are awesome.

We are all different and unique – embrace your strengths, build your weaknesses and support your friends.

You are very right!!!
Sometimes, I am afraid myself of what my answers might cause to people, but on the other hand I feel the need to say what’s on my mind…
Sometimes, I am happy if someone kicks in my ■■■ to wake me up, but there was also a time in my life when I felt very, very damaged by that… It’s not easy. But it’s important to see the world thruogh the eyes of the person we’re dealing with, and I also think there is no goal for everyone, but different bodies and different needs!
Nevertheless, I’m glad to be here.

This is perhaps the most compassionate piece I’ve read, on this site or otherwise.

I would tip my hat to you, Devon, if I had one…