I’m writing because I’m frustrated and would appreciate feedback or insights from anyone who has experienced this/heard of this before. I have Type 1 Diabetes and Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. I’ve been working to stabilize my blood sugars for 20 years, with obvious fluctuations in self care (we’re all human, right?). My A1C has been between 6.2 and 6.9 for nearly a decade, which is fantastic, but it is not reflective of the fluctuation and volatility of my levels. In summary, my blood sugars will go high even when fasting or maintaining a low carb diet, drinking water, exercising regularly, etc., but the peaks are not consistent. This happens even with regular sleep and when stress is lower than usual. I’ve been to a lot of doctors, most of whom desmiss the symptoms and refuse to really look into them because my A1C is pretty good and my lab tests do not show sings of damage. One doctor after seeing my sensor and my A1C exam told me that my sensor must be wrong and just shrugged his shoulders (which was…helpful). While it is great that I have no detectable long term damage and my A1C is good, this does not accurately reflect the effect that the fluctuations have on my ability to work and to function. I often find myself becoming very discouraged because I know that I could do much more if I didn’t struggle with the brain fog, the lack of sleep from fluctuations and working multiple jobs (even on a strict budget), and lack of support/dismissiveness from family. I know the “I could do more if…” thought pattern is not very self loving or constructive, by I also think it’s good to just be honest about how I feel and that’s just how I feels. Odd symptoms include: bowel problems, brain fog, tripping over my words/speech, fingers and eyes twitching, occasional nerve shocks, weird vision problems (I used to see halos around lights, have high light sensitivity, and have the kind of swirly vision that a dehydrated runner has after a marathon. Now I still have the high light sensitivity and no halos/some rays, with a little swirliness). I’ve gone through routine blood tests/other exams for everything from kidney damage to retinopathy and glaucoma, nerve damage, liver stress, and allergies, but no one can find anything. My blood sugar will sometimes shoot up to ~4-500 mg/dL while fasting out of nowhere. When this happens, I switch my pump site, infusion set, and the region in which it’s inserted, I drink water, I dose to correct and I put my pump at 150% basal rate until I come down. I am now seeing a doc who thinks that I may just have problems removing natural biotoxins that we all create in digestion from my body. Hence, we are in the process of testing for that. Frankly, it’s exhausting and it’s affecting my work, my hope and my sense of self. I’ve also heard that caffeine causes insulin resistance in some people and that fermented foods and probiotics help T1Ds a lot, so I’m removing caffeine and eating more pickles and a probiotic. I am working on affirmations and other uplifting and encouraging personal growth activities. I’ve also looked for support groups, but I can’t find any in this city. I’m asking my Endo this week. I’m going to a therapist/life coach, which is awesome but I honestly still need more help. I just honestly am frustrated beyond measure because I feel like I’m doing everything that I’m supposed to do (with obvious occasional exceptions from being a beautiful, imperfect human) and I just don’t understand why this is happening. I know that some things are beyond our understanding, but I am having a lot of trouble accepting that at age 27, this is just the best it’s going to be and that I just need to grin, bear it, and do the best I can. It just feels like a half life. I want to be one of those encouraging rockstars that overcomes all of this and helps others to do the same, but honestly, I’m tired and I want a for real vacation. Ha!