When I was diagnosed with Diabetes, back in November of 2009, I poured myself into learning as much as I could from all sorts of Diabetes literature, websites, and communities such as this one, to better care for and manage my disease. I knew I would have to make many dietary and fitness changes, as my father also had this disease and we had to help him regularly with meals, meal planning, insulin, etc. Of all the things I learned, there is one thing NO ONE told me, and that I had to learn on my own: How Diabetes would change my personal relationships.
Of course, when we think of these changes, we often think in terms of food at social events, or of judgmental people who may blame you for getting Diabetes; and these issues are well established realities. However, the effect Diabetes has on personal relationships can go much deeper than that. While Diabetes may bond you closer to some people in your life, such as your spouse or your kids (and thank God for that!), it can drive many other relationships apart.
One of the main issues, is that as a society, we don't like to talk about our problems, and much less our illnesses, and we sort of sweep under the carpet those things which make us uncomfortable. However, it's very hard to sweep Diabetes under the rug, when we have to always think about the carbs we're eating, or the medications or insulin we must take to go along with those carbs, or the potential for dangerous lows, or highs. Diabetes forces us to be open with friends, and family, coworkers, and sometimes even others that we wish we didn't have to tell any such private matters, at all. Diabetes often puts us on the spot, and how people react to these revelations, in kind, can span the colors of the rainbow.
You may have people who ...
- React in disgust to you, and never want to speak to you again, or want anything to do with you, or the rest of their family (this is especially true sometimes, in the dating scene). You don't need these people in your life... Forget about them;
- React with fear, at having you around, because they feel incredibly uncomfortable to be around your situation. They may not want to change the way they cook meals (or think somehow, that it is expected of them to change the way they cook meals), or think that you will be uncomfortable around those meals, and will not want to participate. You may reassure those people that you are fine, eating sensitive portions of certain foods, or bringing your own dish to share with others, and it might reassure some people... but it doesn't guarantee you will be invited to any other social event that person might be hosting;
- React with discomfort, or outrage, at the level of care you give yourself (ie, testing before meals, or post meals, or counting carbs, or using insulin in the open, or avoiding certain foods), because they deem you as obsessive, or it casts a light on their own eating habits, or their own self care (or lack thereof) if they also have Diabetes. Some of these people may take some lax care of themselves, and refuse to even shed any light of possibility that what they are doing is not enough, or that others might see that, and compare it to their own poor care.
- React as the Diabetes or Dietary police, either because they themselves have Diabetes or a relative does, and think themselves the absolute authority on how to handle the disease, and will not rest until they have thoroughly embarrassed you (because they KNOW you caused your own Diabetes) and somehow they think you need to be taught a lesson in front of everyone, at dinner time, on Thanksgiving day, so that you quit 'not taking care of yourself.'
And the list goes on, and on... and, for the most part, it becomes our jobs to have to rebuild those relationships, somehow, and reeducate all those people about so many things... Some relationships will be worth it, and some will not, and we need to learn to make those assessments. Life brings change, and sometimes, pervasive change... We can be sad about change, and that's alright; however, we should leave all bitterness aside, and be thankful... Thankful because sometimes, life's curve balls are like necessary spring cleaning: we do away with the old, and tattered, and broken, and in with the new.