Okay, sorry to the people that i havent written for a while and have been worried, i havent much felt like writing, so again im sorry for that. I havent been too great if im bveing honest with people, my Hba1c is at 12.9 - higher than when i was in hospital with DKA at christmas. (which is not great) my Mum now either wants me to be admitted or to see someone about it, which i dont want to do. At the end of the day its my life and my choice, i know that sounds selfish but thats how i feel.
Yes, it is your life and your choice. But you need to be open and honest with yourself and those around you. You need to decide if you want to take care of yourself and lead a happy healthy life. And you also have to realize that the choices that you make, while they are your own will affect those around you.
There are people here who have gone through very similar times in their lives and I am sure you can find help here. But you have to take the first steps. Nobody is going to walk down the street, knocking on doors looking for somebody to help. You need to decide that you have a problem and that you want to change. You can do anything you want in this world, but you have to decide to do it first.
It is your life but you know you want to be here for all the fun stuff that’s ahead of you! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Just keep your chin up and show ppl you can do it!!!
True, it is your life. But you also have a responsibility to not be a burden to your family and the NHS. Denial is a very dangerous thing. You may not feel like you want to be bothered with all of this but it is important and it will catch up with you when you start spilling protein in your urine and your retinas start to bleed. It doesn’t kill you right away. it’s slow and awful. Think about it.
Hey Holly! I’m struggling with diabulimia too…hang in there. I won’t lecture you to get help, but I’m always here if you would like to talk. I was forced to get help and I didn’t want it and didn’t comply with anything I was supposed to do. Until I was ready, it was like talking to a wall. You have to be ready to get help and want to get better or else nothing will change. I’m at that point where I am starting to comply because I want to get better. Hang in there!
Holly, did you see Michelle’s blog post
http://www.tudiabetes.org/profiles/blogs/in-for-the-fight-of-my-life?xg_source=activity
I think only someone who has been there can really understand. All I know is that it feels terrible to have diabetes out of control.
Holly, I’m sending you this quote from Bishop Tutu because I often reference it myself when I’m struggling…“We humans can tolerate suffering but we cannot tolerate meaninglessness. At times of despair, we must learn to see with new eyes.” You are putting yourself through some real pain right now, how come?
If you stop now you will have a good chance to live the rest of your life without complications (you just have a mileage of 5 years). On your current path with an A1c of 12.9 you are guaranteed to inflict many possible damages on your body that diabetes can cause. Bulemia itself can result in serious health problems but combined with limited insulin intake this is russian roulette with 6 bullets. You really need help and I think stationary psychotherapy would be a good way to get out of your current environment that is likely the root of your bulemia. This will give you the time and distance needed to think about your future. Step by step.
Oh honey you are so angry and in pain right now aren’t you?
Do you have any support with trying to beat this ED?
I know it isn’t as simple as just getting over it! It is a serious disorder, but with a little step, just one, say doing your basal, you can make the first move on a journey back to feeling normal. How great will it be to not have that raging thirst, or have a week where you don’t feel sick at all, or a month where you aren’t so tired you can hardly drag your bum to bed?
Please Holly if you’re not already linked to ‘Choose Life’ created by Erin M Akers, the ‘Diabetics with eating disorders’ group here on TU or the ‘Diabulimia awareness’ group on Facebook, i urge you please consider joining one (or all of them). They are invaluable support when you are angry, scared, frustrated, disappointed having a day where you just can’t cope and they all know how hard it is to be trapped in this viscious cycle.