Had U/s yesterday and the finding was “fetal demise at 6 weeks and 5 days”. This is my 3rd consecutive miscarriage since middle of last year.
Have yet to see my dr and see if I will miscarry naturally or have a D&C. I would prefer to miscarry naturally, but don’t want to wait to long.
Last time I waited and after 6 weeks was still not miscarrying and ended up with D&C anyway.
I am so sad. 13 days ago I saw the heartbeat and was filled with joy at having a new child. Yesterday that joy was dashed. I feel like I must have done something wrong. Not rested enough. Not eaten well enough. Taken too much coffee. Definitely something I can be blamed for, as others are already blaming me.
I feel like giving up. I feel like punishing myself. I feel that I am a failure for not being able to carry a child. I don’t feel like eating at all (hunger aside). Guess this is a natural response to this sad sad news. I haven’t decided if I’ll go off insulin completely and back to very low carb diet, or to stay on the insulin. Don’t feel like testing any more.
I will mourn and then try again. I only told a very small no. of people. But next time I won’t tell anyone aside from this forum. I can’t bear any more the telling, the untelling,and then the recriminations that will make me feel worse and more guilty about the loss than I already feel.
Work day over. And I’ve been a lazy slob the last couple of hours. I will go home and have a glass or 2 of wine and try to be a decent mother to my 2 Yo. Walk the dogs. Clean up. And try to pretend all is just fine and dandy and my heart isn’t broken in two with me trying desperately to patch the two bits together again.