This semester has been a crazy one. I got my own (school owned and regulated) apartment and started off the semester making delicious and semi-healthy homemade meals. My blood sugars were alright and my best friend and now roommate tried to convince me that I needed to eat less Blizzards and McDonalds and more vegetable. (And for the record, I love fresh veggies and hate McDonald's). We actually got into quite a few heated arguments over my eating habits. I think I resented her for trying to act like she knew better than me just because she read a few dumb books over the summer (and she's not dumb, but I looked into the books she recommended, and they were dumb)
As the semester progressed, my eating habits worsened and consequently my blood sugars. Now I'm constantly waking up in the morning at about 240 and I don't know why. My daily usage of insulin has increased by about 5-10 units from the average amount I needed during the summer. I'm in the 300s multiple times per week. And honestly, I'm so, so sick of it.
I've convinced myself that getting an Omnipod and Dexcom will solve all my problems but my insurance is sh-- and that's never going to happen. My roommate, who was once convinced that I could practically cure diabetes by eating better and jogging a few times a week, regularly takes me out to dinner at high-carb places like Olive Garden and Arby's (she's got the food budget). Plus we got a new roommate who regularly has the "munchies" and keeps all manners of junk food around.
I had to cancel my last dr's appointment because I was going to be out of town, but I hate my doctor. She's a nice lady and she tries to be helpful, but I just can't see eye-to-eye with her and I still feel like she's being condescending. So I haven't rescheduled a new appointment.
And my pump is still out of warranty.
So that's where my diabetes stands right now. Not very positive I know, but I'm just going through a slump right now.
And added to all this, tomorrow my godson is going to be baptized. That may not seem like something to mention in a blog about diabetes, but my godmother (she was also my aunt) was diabetic. She died when I was about 4. I don't think I remember her. :( And in the back of my head somewhere, I'm worried that I won't be able to be there for that kid, because my godmother wasn't there for me (except, really, posthumously, after the first 4 years). Growing up, I felt like I got gipped in the godparent department. I know my aunt loved me, but she passed away before I got to know her, and I just don't want history to repeat itself. I know this is dumb, and I highly doubt that I'll die of diabetes-complications in 4 years, but I still have that little voice in my head telling me not to screw up.