Comic Relief


#247

Two racehorses are standing in adjacent stalls. One says to the other, “You know, the weirdest thing happened yesterday. They were getting me saddled and ready to go out when something bit me in the behind. Really hurt, too, but I didn’t have time to figure it out because it was time to go. And I won the race at 15-1!”

The other horse replies, “That’s really spooky because I had the same experience about a month ago. Just like you, I was in here getting ready when something stung me, hard, on the backside. And like you, I couldn’t do anything about it because I had to go out and run. And I ran the best race of my life!”

A dog is walking past and happens to overhear the conversation. He fixes the horses with a contemptuous look and says, “You idiots—they were doping you! They were giving you performance drugs to make you run faster!”

Upon which one horse turns to the other and says in an astonished voice, “Jeez, did you see that?!? A talking dog!!”


#248

But on reflection, it could be a pane in the glass. Your dreams might be shattered.


#249

Comments like that one don’t do your image any good.


#250

One of my faves, but …my dog just don’t get it!


#251

That’s a little bit like the story of the three umpires. They are sitting in a tavern having a beer and discussing the correct way to call balls and strikes.

First umpire: “I call 'em like I see 'em.”

Second umpire: “I call 'em like they are.”

Third umpire: “They ain’t nothing til I call 'em.”


#252

Guy walks into a bar, goes straight to the bathroom. Comes out and says to the bartender, “I was here last night. You had golden urinals. Where’d they go?”

Bartender turns to the band and says, “Tony, I found the fella who ruined your sax.”


#253

Sometimes it’s best not to ask


#254

And along the same lines, the inscription on the grave of the Unknown Soldier:

“Tomb It May Concern”


#255

Hey! My wife’s church ladies are making sleeveless dresses for the poor. They enjoy it, even though it’s shift work.


#256

that was told to me as a Irish joke:

Aman is lying on his deathbed, when he smells his favorite meal, his wifes Mulligan stew, from the kitchen.

“Darling, Darling,” he says, “Can you fetch me a bowl o’ that wonderful stew? This is the day I will die, and I want to die happy.”

She replies, “No, you cannot! 'Tis for the wake!”


#257

Arabic joke about Learning English.


#258

There’s a fine line between a numerator and denominator. (Yes, I realize that only a fraction of the viewers will find this funny.)


#259

I’m arithmetic/mathematics challenged; a fine line.


#260

That’s the function of humour. Unless the joke is derivative.


#261

My Chinese is pretty rusty too but I thought it read:

Insp. Clouseau: I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!

Hotel Clerk: He’s not my dog.


#262

“Dylsexic”!? Hey, I thought this was a family friendly website!

Reminds me of a favorite bumper sticker:

Dysexlics Untie!


#263

A dyslexic walks into a bra …


#264

Have you been following the new lobbying group, DAM? (Mothers Against Dyslexia)


#265

There are 10 types of people: those that understand binary and those that don’t.


#266

No, there are two types of people: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.