Comic Relief

Community Fun and Games
41

Q. What did the cow do after it swallowed a bottle of blue ink?
A. It mooed Indigo.

3 Likes
42

Oh David!!! :smiley_cat:

1 Like
43

A man walks up to the door of a 24 hour convenience store only to find the doors locked. He can clearly see the sign proclaiming they are open 24 hours. Angrily he shakes the locked door, the gets the attention of a stock clerk in the storeroom and he goes to investigate. Upon seeing the clerk the man yells “Your sign says your open 24 hour.” to which the clerk replies “We are but not all in a row.”

44

Thanks for all the laughs.

45

Good one, Gary. Reminds me of an old Steven Wright line: “I passed a bank with a sign that said, 24 hour banking. But I don’t have that much time.”

46

My favorite nihilistic riddle:

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? :monkey::deciduous_tree:

A: Because he was dead. :speak_no_evil:

1 Like
47

Then you’ll like this one (told to me by my then 5th-grade daughter):

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? :chicken:

A: Because it was stuck to the porcupine!

2 Likes
48

My neighbor has a nicely rendered poster that shows a deserted country road with a chicken standing by the side, looking at it. The caption reads, “I dream of the day when a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.”

3 Likes
49

How is Donald Trump like Type 1 diabetes?

You never know whether he’ll be good or bad, but he’s always crazy.

3 Likes
50

You’re lost in a part of town you’ve never been in before. If you have a choice of getting directions from Santa Claus, a good violist, a bad violist or the Easter Bunny, who do you get directions from?

The bad violist. The other three are figments of your imagination.

2 Likes
51

What’s the difference between a saxophone and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

3 Likes
52

How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune?

Shoot one of them.

53

Why are trombones bigger than trumpets?

They’re not. Trumpet players’ heads are bigger.

54

Six months ago, scientists discovered the largest site of dinosaur fossils in Scotland, where bones of the nochrasaurus were discovered. When first discovered, the scientists thought they had discovered eight complete nochrasauri.

However, this conclusion may be wrong. Tavish MacDougal, Director of the Museum of Natural History in Edinburgh commented, “We may have discovered considerably less nochs.”

55

Q. How do make a trombone sound like a french horn?
A. Put your hand in the bell and play all wrong notes.

Q. What’s the difference between an onion and an oboe?
A. Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get away from the bassoon recital.

Q. How many clarinet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one. But he’ll go through an entire shipment of light bulbs trying to find the right one.

Q. How do you get a guitar player off your front porch?
A. Pay for the pizza.

Q. What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
A. Drool.

Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
A. A Flat Miner

1 Like
56

We need a Groan button,: D

2 Likes
57

How many opticians to change a lightbulb?
One… or two… one… or two…

2 Likes
58

Q: How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to call Daddy and one to get the Diet Pepsi.

Alternate answer: What? And ruin my nail polish?!?!?

59

What’s the difference between a violin and a cello?

A cello burns longer.

1 Like
60

Sweepstakes letter received by Rodney Dangerfield: “You May Already Be A Loser”

2 Likes