Just came back from my (short) vacations. I still encounter problems with the (damned) gastroparesis. Current medication has some side-effects on me. I am tired and I experience a feeling of emptiness, lack of meaning. At least, I don’t feel frustrated, panicked or alone. In fact, I managed to make some new plans about my home and my work. Hopefully, they’ll work out fine.
But, sometimes, I feel so exhausted, completely drained from any drop of energy that’s left in me. I don’t really know if it is the diabetes (and its complications) or my state of mind. I can’t really tell the difference between the physical symptom, (coming to me as a message from my weary body), and the psychological response (depression).
I have too much work to do (finding a new doctor, do my annual examination on D.mastopathy and kidney’s disease, pay a visit to my gyn-oncologist to show her the results, maybe start looking again for the right pump for me), that I’m afraid to say “I can’t cope with all that”. I guess I’m also terrified of the possibility that results may reveal new problems. I think I am a “diabetic coward”, whereas I should be something like a “diabetic superwoman”. I am not in denial; I’m just in a “really-sick-and-tired” phase (lol)
