How true the feelings some of you express the loneliness the uncertainty and on the positive side the hopes for the future,diabetes is like a Chinese meal great at the time but you soon feel hungry again,since being diagnosed diabetic I have gone through periods of sheer hell despair the bouts of uncontrolled depression the ups and downs bigger than a mountain range,my state of mind got even worse after a massive heart attack the guilt of thinking why am I still here the pain and agony of that event still gives me nightmares even 7 years later the feeling that you were not even good enough to die and the thought of the years to come if I am lucky enough and the struggle still ahead, perhaps that is the reason I am still here to suffer more pain more agony more feelings of uselessness to suffer for the things I have done in my life or is it a second chance to put things right I like to think it is the latter,a second chance to change my ways and do some good.
I suppose everyone has a secret locked up in the cupboard something they are not proud to mention,for as our Savour said on the cross forgive them Father they know not what they do,my interpretation in the end we are but human beings with all the frailties and failures that go with it,the fridge freezer is gurgling away in the corner,my feet are cold my shoulders hurt my coffee is hot but my heart is still ticking pumping the blood of life through my veins and arteries nut quite reaching my feet and toes but trying as hard as it can,I will be 64 this June the same age as my Angel so we will have a double celebration.
No sign of the Sun today sky overcast and it is very cold outside typical January day,suppose i am just feeling sorry for myself for we always ask why me at some moment in time,does it matter if it was not you it would be some other soul having to suffer be a man and take it on the chin,having taken insulin victoza and a handful of pills I wonder,need to move about cramp setting in if I was a penguin I would feel right at home here brr not very warm,a lot of questions but seldom any answers that make any sense,diabetes is like that it is like being invaded by an alien/parasite who takes control of your body your blood your organs you know it is there but you can do little to get rid of it the only good thought is that when I leave this mortal coil it goes with me,a bit drastic I know but some comfort in knowing that,of course if I am destined for below it might still be with me but at least my feet will not be cold anymore.
The rag and bone man/scrap man is sounding his horn any old iron so life does still go on come rain snow blizzards scorching hot weather whether you like it or not.
