If I had to come up with one word to explain how I feel about diabetes, that would be the one. Not tired....not confused.......Just MAD. Mad that kids as young as well, some babies, have to use syringes to put insulin into their bodies because their pancreas just decided not to work. Mad that it is such a balancing act of what to eat and how much insulin to dose for to make your sugar level be between 100 and 140 two hours after the meal. Mad, mad MAD when I wake up in the morning and after doing everything I "thought" was right, my meter blares at me a good ole' 240! Pricking my finger to get blood = MAD......sticking a syringe in my belly 4-5 times a day = mad.....having to stop doing an activity, any activity, because my sugar level dropped too low and I have to bring it back up = MAD.......sitting and waiting for my sugar levels to come back up sweaty with palpitations and just staring at the wall -- waiting = MAD.
Okay, okay..........there is a good side to everything, right? I HAVE to eat right (most of the time ; ) Diabetes makes me more aware of my health and actually exercising and things I wouldn't have normally done, I do now. Another good thing is that my family helps me. Recently I was gardening outside and Ashley pokes her head out the door and asks me if I'm okay and if I have checked my sugar lately. Makes me smile and shed a tiny tear. Rob asking me if I have everything before we walk out the door. An emergency pop, my glucose meter and insulin if I need it -- along with syringes. Them sitting with me if I do have a really low sugar reading and making sure I'm okay. All those things help alot.
So, Dear Mr. Pancreas, Although you gave out on me.....Nobody else has. Not me or my family. So wherever you went..........stay there.....I don't want you back. I'm MAD at you and I have everything I need.