So my husband tells my mother in law (via text have you) that I miscarried and all she has to say is “I told her that this pregnancy thing is going to be a tough road”, what the heck??? I am just furious right now! I did everything right, I spent months working for my A1C to get to a good level to even try and conceive, and then we did and I worked so hard to keep my numbers good and I had a 5.5 A1C and I still lost the baby. It just kills me that I tried everything I could and it still feels like it wasnt enough. and all she can say, Is I told her it would be a tough road??? I don’t understand how else I can do things differently next time. I feel like people just dont understand that I did everything I could, it wasnt related to diabetes!!! The baby just didnt make it, it was just like any other “normal” womans miscarriage, and when people say things like this it just is so hurtful. I have to see her next week and its going to be so hard because my sister in law is pregnant with her second and was 2 weeks ahead of me, and we are going to visit together, I am just not going to be able to spend much time around them all, and I hope they understand…
Sorry I needed to vent, thanks for reading family
xo Mariah
Grrr, I am mad for you too (and sorry for your loss). Miscarriage rates in the first trimester are high, whether you have T1 or not, and it sounds like you had great control going into this and there was nothing more you could do. This woman needs to keep her mouth shut.
Thank you Julie! We have never really seen eye to eye and she just is under this impression that I know nothing and is not a ympathetic person at all. She asked my husband if I was taking pre natals??? She knows that I have wanted to be a mom since she met me 2 years ago and all this time has given me such trouble about it and just is always saying something about how its going to be so hard with being pregnant and a diabetic. My sister in law is a year older than me and is pregnant with her second now and she just loves her so much and has nothing to say but encouraging words to her about her pregnancies and with me, its like she thinks I’m so ignorant and cant do anything right, which is also why this miscarriage is upsetting because it just shows to her that she thinks she was right. It is going to be so tough going home with my sister in law (we both live in CA, and our families are in OR) and I’m just pretty much going to hear I told you so I’m sure 
If she says anything else to you, look her in the eye and thank her for her EXPERT medical opinion on the subject and tell her you’ll be sure to let your doctors know that they are all wrong.
(OK, that probably isn’t the best advice if you ever want a relationship with your MIL, but it helps to imagine it.)
#%$$$$$ I am 36+ weeks pregnant and very hormonal 
You’ll get there too one day!
I’m so sorry she is being like that. My MIL was like that when I got pregnant. I asked her where she got her degree? Google or WebMD.
You did nothing wrong. She is just being rude.
Thanks Megzway, I just feel like I have a little rain cloud following me around and I just wanted this pregnancy to go right in so many ways. But i guess it just wasnt the right time, so hopefully in the future we will have a beautiful healthy baby in our arms, thanks for the encouragement
GET OUTTA TOWN!!! ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME!!! Thats just awful I am so sorry! It had NOTHING to do with your diabetes hence your 5.5 A1C which is better than some nondiabetics!! Keep your head up and don’t let uneducated people hurt you. I know that you will have another pregnancy and will one day soon be holding a precious baby in your arms. You are in my prayers and again I am sorry for your loss.
I’d skip the trip next week. People should understand you can’t be around your SIL right now.
And your MIL couldn’t have said a more hurtful thing…but perhaps your hubby needs to filter those awful comments right now so that they don’t get back to you. It’s just not what you need right now.
My MIL tried to convince us to adopt instead. It pissed me off.
I am so sorry you have to deal with this, Mariah. People being misinformed about diabetes and pregnancy is one thing, but people who are misinformed AND think that they know all/best - that is the most frustrating. Do whatever you need (emphasis on YOUR needs) to do to make this all even just an ounce earlier… even if it means skipping the visit.
You’re right - in no time you will have a beautiful, healthy baby in your arms
By the way: 5.5!? You’re a rockstar.
That makes me so mad as well. A lot of people don’t understand that having T1 diabetes just means that you have to consciously control your insulin instead of having your pancreas do it for you. If you are on track with your A1C, it’s as if you’re like anyone else without diabetes. You did everything you could do. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
I would also advise you to not visit since you are in a state of grieving. You need to mourn your loss just as anyone else who has suffered the loss of a loved one.
Ummm… does she not understand that YOUR baby is HER SON’S baby too?
i know right?! It just made me so so mad that she could even say that to me and she didnt even call and still hasnt to see if I am ok or how we are doing at all. I do not plan on seeing much of them and if she does say anything like that I think I will fly off the handle at her. I’m so sick of all her negativity as if this isnt hard enough for me, and it is just too hard to be around pregnant people for me right now, it just hurts too much. Thank you dear, we are all hopeful, right now I’m just scared and thinking will my body ever let me have a sucessful pregnancy? But I am hoping yes and we will start trying again in a couple months, thank you for your prayers dear
Thank you Melissa
I would just LOVE to skip seeing them altogether but the situation is I am riding up to Oregon with my sister in law, she is going home for a couple weeks because her husband is going out of town and so she offered to have me come with her, (we both live in CA, a few hours away) we only have one car right now and my husband needs it for school, so I jumped at the opportunity originally and I was planning on sharing my good news with my family then too, we hadnt told anyone, not even our moms, and it was going to be a surprise So my husbands family and mine live about an hour and a half away in different towns, but I have some dear friends in his town too, and I went to college there) so I was planning on splitting up my time between the two towns, but I already know they arent going to be sympathetic and I was planning on staying with a good friend anyways versus my inlaws house, and so I’m just going to tell them I cant really be around my sister in law right now, they will prob give me a hard time, but thats just the way its going to be. I always let my MIL walk all over me and I never speak up, but this time I am not doing whats best for me, and that feels good
Thanks Natasha
That is so frustrating when people tell me things that they think I dont know and act like I am just oblivious to it all. My MIL asked my husband if I was taking prenatals??? She just ascts like I am so stupid and that somehow this was my fault and that really hurts. I dont know how exactly I’m going to deal with her when I see them, I guess just see what she says and I will react based on that. It just makes me mad because she is like the queen in her family and what she says goes, she had a type 1 diabetic cousin that lived with her and her parents when she was growing upand since then she thinks she is a doctor and is always telling me what to do and what to eat/not eat. It’s so annoying! her family calls her the walking internet because she always has something to say and put her input in about, I usually just ignore it but not this time if she starts talking negativiely! lol I just dont want this to end in a huge blow out fight
Thanks hun for the support If you read my earlier comments to people I am in a bit of a pickle since I agreed to ride up with my sis in law, since we only have one car right now, and I am mainly going just to see my mom and some close family and friends, I pretty much have to see my husbands family, since I am going with my sis in law, who they absolutely adore. I dont know why I am so outcasted, when I have never been anything but nice to them? I dont know? So I am only planning on seeing them when we get into town that day and possibly one other time to say goodbye, but I know theres going to be lots of gossip started about me throughout their huge family that I was being rude by not spending more time with them, and honestly I dont even care anymore if they talk bad about me or not. I have tried and tried with this family and I cant do anything more, and if they want to talk badly about me for not spending more time with them after I have just lost my baby then that shows how low they really are. Do you think I’m being too harsh on them? I really dont want to start a huge fight but I just cant be around them, it will just make me feel worse
I know Marps right?! I’m just in a spot that I dont know what to do?
My condolences for your loss. Your MIL needs some remedial classes on empathy. Miscarriages unfortunately happen and the diabetes doesn’t mean much, to be honest. You do what you need to do for you, grieve your loss. I hope your husband says something to her, but if he doesn’t, I hope you do. I’m sorry you have to deal with such ignorant people. Too bad they can’t be more supportive of you, you need it. This would be her grandchild, you’d think she’d be more thoughtful.
I had a similar situation with my ex’s family. I was with him for 10 years (not married) and his family always seemed to be gossiping about me. I couldn’t handle it. It drove me nuts. So I started saying exactly how I felt after a few years of coping (grin & bear) and they seemed to lay off a little bit. But, honestly, I just started to think: “Oh, who cares?” Eventually, I just let their snide comments roll off of me because at the end of the day, my ex loved me and I loved me. That’s all that mattered at the time.
Thankfully, most of my husband’s family adores me. So… I lucked out.
I was scared before our first pregnancy, and again right after. I just assumed that the Type 1 would make it difficult for my body to accept a pregnancy. I thought we were going to have to try to conceive for months before a success. But, it only took 3 weeks both conceptions. So, your body just may surprise you. I’ve abused my body a lot over the years with Type 1. Comas mulitple times, ketoacidosis multiple times, anorexia, bulimia, etc. And my body still is kind to me. I think you’ll be okay. Don’t lose hope. It’s all we’ve got.
Sometimes I thnk the insulin we take is really a preservative for our bodies. haha.
I have asked my husband to intervene with in-laws. Could you ask your husband to explain to them in advance why you need to be just with your family now?
I don’t know it would help – if they don’t want to be understanding, then they won’t be. But I agree with the others that you need the time with your family and by yourself now. Take care of your needs now and worry as little as possible about what they think.