I had another not so great eye appointment today with the retina specialist. Where I had the focal laser treatments done the leakage has calmed down, but other areas have gotten quite a bit worse, including in the center of my vision where laser is not an option. As a result, I have lost quite a bit more of my vision since my last appointment. Dr gave me a prescription for eye drops he said may slow it down, but is getting insurance stuff in line to start injections into the eye on my next visit in 6 weeks if the drops don't slow it down enough. He basically told me today that if I don't get my sugars in order, I am going to go blind. That's a tough pill to swallow at 25, and the sugars are an issue tied to anxiety that anyone who has read my past posts knows I have fought with unsuccessfully for a loooonnnnggg time.
I'm really at a loss for where to go from here. When I work towards better sugars and come across a slip up or give in to the anxiety, I wind up in a depressed state of oh well it is high now so why fight with it. Or I get into an attitude of tomorrow will be better, and tomorrow just never seems to come. I am sure I am fighting depression with all of this, but I feel like everyone I have brought it up with blows it off even when I try to explain what a big part of my poor self care I feel it is. I haven't seen any therapist or anyone for med management related to the anxiety or depression in a few months now because I feel like they either don't listen to me, don't understand what I am talking about related to the diabetes, or that they lose focus on what needs to be my goals.
I guess at this point, I'd like to hear from anyone who has been through the eye injections, anyone who could suggest a good therapist (experienced with diabetes, or better yet a diabetic themself) that maybe does online sessions, or from anyone who has any suggestions to get and keep me in gear to get this done.
I hear everything you are saying. I have been where you are: poor control, depression, denial, all of it. After more than 25 years of diabetes (20 of those years poorly managed) i am dealing with eye problems. I’ve had lasering and injections many times over with no end in sight to it. I’ve had one vitrectomy eye operation and will have cataract surgery at some point. All i can say is this: you must get your blood sugars undef control. The depression you are feeling now over having diabetes will be nothing comparex to the regret and depression you will feel for having risked your own eye sight. Being diabetic is a minimal inconvenience compared to being blind.
I am putting up a good fight for my sight. I maintain very good control now and keep up with everything that my eye doctor wants to do. I have losf a lot of peripheral vision due to all the lasering. I have injections every three months. Its not pleasant but its over very quickly. With a little luck my eye sight will hang in there with me for as long as I need it. You say something has to change. You are the only one who can chAnge it. Feel free to email me directly if i can be of any help to you or a source of moral support.
I can't comment on the eye issues, but I do have some thoughts about Depression. Depression is more than just "feeling down" it is an illness, and it is much more common among people with D. Being an illness it needs treatment. You seem like you really want help to get things together but you also need to be open to accepting the help that is available and offered.
A therapist who themselves have D would be ideal. Having worked in the field of Mental health for many years, however, I don't recommend "online counseling". In order to get help through therapy you need to sit across from a human being who can hear your voice and see your expressions (and you can see theirs). Also, in many cases of Depression, medication is a good combination along with therapy, and a real life therapist can refer you to a practitioner who can provide meds. Your PCP is able to provide meds and they often do prescribe for Depression, but they are not the ideal person to do so. A psychiatrist is an expert in psychiatric meds and they can better work with you to find the right medicine at the right dose.
One way to see if you can find a therapist with D in your area would be to contact your local branch of JDRF and see if there is someone they know.
But the bottom line is you may or may not be able to find a Type 1 therapist. If you do not, please don't use "they can't understand me and my D" as an excuse to not seek help. Many therapists have experience with various chronic illnesses including D, even if they don't have it themselves. And even if they don't, a good therapist will listen to you, find out what is important to you, and will learn from you by asking good questions.
Depression, like D is nothing to ignore, and the two together really make life hard. When you have Depression you just don't have the energy, the motivation or the the positive outlook to actively manage your D and that is, what you are saying you know you need to do. Get help for your Depression and that management will get a whole lot easier. (notice I didn't say "easy")
Ryryguy, I heard this same story (minus the diabetes and its complications) from a gorgeous, healthy 25 year old lady two days ago. She, too, is fighting depression. My point is simple, while your circumstances certainly are depressing, your depression is perhaps not even caused by them, but by other physical things. Demand help for your depression by itself. Diabetes doctors are not the ones to handle this. Once you're on track with the rest of your life, hopefully you'll be better able to deal with your problems with diabetes. I'll tell you the same thing I told my young friend: I have faith in you, you're going to be better and do great things. Take that first step and get help. Often it's a temporary thing with medication, but whatever you learn will help you in the rest of your life. XOX
I know how badly I need to get this under control for my sight in the near term, and many other potential complications down the road. I really don't look forward to the idea of the injections. Not sure how I will deal with that even with anxiety med in me beforehand.
Looks like my replies are showing up out of place for some reason. I understand the concern around any type of online counseling, really the only reason I had mentioned it was for the fact that I doubt I would find a diabetic counselor who is local. I am completely open to working with someone one on one, and have in the past. Believe me, I am well down the path of not having the energy or motivation to deal with the D, much less many other daily tasks of life.
I certainly don't argue that the depression may have nothing at all to do with the diabetes. I can say though without a doubt it is part of what is making doing right by my diabetes so much more difficult. Granted, I have other issues going on with anxiety and what not, but if I can find someone who will listen and help me begin treating the depression, I know the diabetes treatment can get at least a little more manageable.
