Suddenly living alone with T1. Scared to s***

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So it’s been almost 50 years of T1 diabetes. Well controlled, no serious side effects or neuropathy. Of course, have had some “events” but overall, good. Also almost 50 years of marriage to a wonderful man. He worried about me even as he was dying from cancer. He recently passed. It is the hardest thing I’ve gone through (yes, including my diagnosis) He was so concerned about me and who would call 911 if I needed. Who would save me when I have a serious low, which by-the-way, has been few and far between. He was with me through it all, learning phase, pregnancy, ER visits, injections, pumps. He expressed how he worried about leaving me alone before he died and it crushed me, he should have been worried about himself. I think he was using it as a distraction to what was really happening. Our daughter promised him she would take care of me just before he passed.

Today I was babysitting for said daughter and my 10 and 13 year old grand kids. Drove them to school then lay down on the couch and fell asleep where I fell into an extreme low for 3 hours. Under 45. (I have developed an unawareness to my lows which is another factor in his worry) I finally pulled myself up, got half way to the kitchen, where my legs gave out from under me and I collapsed, finally into the sweats, shakes and mangled thoughts. Didn’t know if I could even stand let alone walk but managed to get up and get some juice. Lay back down and totally slept through the time to go pick up my grandson! OMG I feel HORRIBLE!! My husband was right, he should have been scared. I’m a danger to leave alone and I AM SO SCARED.

I’ve never lived alone with this disease. I am on a pump and CGM and recently acquired a apple watch BUT none of them were close to me (I know, first mistake) so I’m assuming I didn’t hear the alarms. And I was going to eat before leaving, took my insulin, and then proceeded to forget to eat. (second mistake) So that being said, I DO know why this happened but, in the future, how do I prepare for living alone with this? Sorry this was so long.

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I’m sorry for your loss. It’s a tough thing to lose a life partner.

I’m moving to Seattle a full year ahead of my family. My daughter needs to finish high school and get a start at university.

This leaves me there alone. I lived alone before but it’s been 30 years.
I rely on my cgm and my pump a lot I don’t ignore alarms. I’ve been on business meetings where I’ve slept alone in a hotel for a few days. I always have a hard time sleeping from that added stress of no one being around in case I crash.

It just takes some getting used to. You are not just dealing with the risk of low blood sugars, but you are also missing the company of your husband which makes it feel much worse.

You could use the dexcom ap share feature to warn family even if they are not close, they can call911 for you if they see you are low and you are not responding to a phone call.

It might give you some peace of mind

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First let me say that I am so sorry for your loss.

While nothing can replace the loving attention of your husband, it is possible to share your CGM reading with another person on their phone.

I am not up to date on how it’s done, perhaps another member can instruct you on how to do so.

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I thought of sharing but didn’t want to burden anyone else. Can you share over far distances? She’s 7hour drive away.

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You can I share my data with a friend in AZ, I live in Indiana.

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I am sorry for the loss of your long-time husband, @barbraann. What you are going through emotionally is difficult for anybody. You need to treat yourself kindly and forgive the mistakes you’ve made that contributed to your recent severe hypo episodes.

For the first five of the thirty-eight years I’ve lived with diabetes, I did so as a married man. I didn’t realize at the time just how much I depended on this person to support me in my diabetes adaptation. When the relationship ended in separation and divorce, I was not prepared to make that seemingly drastic adjustment.

But life offered no alternatives and I was forced to deal with that reality. What I discovered in the 33 years since that time is that I have within me all that is needed to manage my diabetes by myself. I did not learn this quickly or easily and looking back, I could have done much better sooner.

The biggest lesson that I learned is that humans can adapt to almost any physical or emotional challenge once they decide to take ownership of their predicament. I use the word, ownership, deliberately since it means a distinct and critical change in perspective. Once you own your life with diabetes, you toss off any sense of victimhood and permits you to taking key steps toward managing your diabetes well.

I now can see that my emotional pivot when I decided to take ownership of my diabetes was the point when things started to get materially better. My diabetes management competence grew by leaps and bounds and it became a smaller and smaller part of my life.

I educated myself about using insulin with much more skill than any doctor could master. I could do this since I live in my body 24/7/365, something no doctor could ever do. Listening to my body and paying attention was essential to my education.

I know you’ve lived with T1D for fifty years and you may think that your ability to manage diabetes is at a maximum level and you cannot make any material gains. I’m here to tell you that’s not true.

It took me 28 years to pivot toward better diabetes management. My biggest lesson was that you could “teach an old dog new tricks.” Humans can learn many things once they embrace learning and paying attention to their body’s metabolic needs.

Conversely, some people sell themselves short and convince themselves that they’re too old to learn a body of knowledge and that short-sighted assessment is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We’ve all met people who act much younger than their physical years. It is an attitudinal choice with profound power.

I encourage you to seek professional help sorting out the tremendous emotional support you may need at this time. It is Ok to ask for help!

You’ve already noted some mistakes that you’ve made. Mistakes should be expected; we all make them. What separates successful diabetes management from the unsuccessful is the wisdom to keep mistake repetition to a minimum.

I’d like to say that my mistakes were one-off episodes and I then changed my ways and became more competent. But that’s not true; I sometimes had to repeat my failures again and again until I finally smartened up.

The important thing is to persist and finally wrestle that problem to the ground and dominate it. It can be done; persistence and tenacity are your friends.

You’re faced with a difficult problem since it contains so many facets and each solution you put in place will only help with one small piece of the puzzle. If you persist, over time you will solve many problems and one day you will realize just how far you’ve come. The problems will seem endless until you finally conclude that it’s shrunk to a much more manageable size.

Your husband would have counseled you become better at managing your diabetes and improving your personal safety. Imagine him as your biggest cheerleader and his memory will power you to accomplish much more than you ever felt possible.

Good luck to you, @barbraann! Erase your memory of any past diabetes failures and start fresh today. Learn something new everyday and the accumulated knowledge will soon add up to more than you imagined.

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Barbraann, I am so sorry to read about your husband’s death. You are living one of my worst fears. I have been married for 53 years to a wonderfully kind man, and have been a type 1 for 63 yrs. I can’t imagine being separated from the person with whom I have lived most of my life and who has known me since I was a teen. I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling.

I imagine I too would make some mistakes especially during the first year after my husband’s death. Just the fact that I have never lived alone would make things even more difficult for me.
My husband has had cancer 4 times in the last 11 yrs, so the chance of this happening is very real to us especially since we are in our early 70’s.

Even without going through what you are dealing with, we are beginning to forget things. I now have to write down when I have given an injection. I never had to do this in the past. We have a note on the door which reminds us of everything we need to take with us when we leave home. Perhaps you could write down a reminder to eat after taking insulin and to check your glucose level before driving a car.

Having another person being aware of your CGM readings is a great idea. I was relieved to be reminded of this. There are also necklaces that can be worn which will alert emergency services if you press a button. I might get a service dog that has been trained to know when a diabetic is low. Terry has one and he could tell you about his experience with his beloved dog.

I find it handy to have glucose tabs or gel in several places in the house where I spend the most time. One of the places is next to the couch. Maybe that would have saved you from having to try to get to the refrigerator. I am still aware of lows, but I still take my CGM receiver with me wherever I go. I am sure that your watch will help you.

I think that it would do me good to get some counseling if possible too. It would help me deal with the pain and loneliness of my huge loss. I am so sorry that you are having to experience this loss.

I will be thinking of you and I wish you happiness

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I am so sorry for your loss. I have been married for 45 years and would be at such a loss if my husband dies before me. While he’s not good at watching over my diabetes at all, he is always there if needed. I have never lost conscienceless, but I have always thought that if I passed out and he found me., that someone would at least find me? But I count on him for so many other things. From bug catcher to errands.

The same as @Marilyn6, I carry my Dexcom reader in my pocket all the time, around the house or when I go anywhere… I also have a quick sugar fix near my bedside and in my purse. My living room is only 10 feet away from the kitchen or I would have one there too.

That we can have alerts is a blessing, I would just make sure you have the reader with you always. You also might have your BG goals set a little higher so you have more wiggle room? I know you forgot to eat, so the higher level wouldn’t have mattered, but it might help with a slightly more safety net. In my case I was always forgetting to eat with a prebolus. I would get busy and just forget. I still feel the lows, but I would end up drinking juice instead of my planned meal. So I started setting my alarm when I prebolus now when it’s time to eat. That has worked great, but you have to get used to always setting it.

And just a note of warning, I have a new iphone 13…and it doesn’t always alert. It’s not listed as compatible still, so it just randomly doesn’t alert sometimes. I don’t know what version you have, but you might check that.

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I don’t have too much that I can add to this thread, but this might help with the hypoglycemia:

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Here is a good list of apps that may be helpful.
@Terry4 mentioned using Snug Safety.

“Best Apps, Gadgets & Sensors to Check on Elderly Parents Remotely | Easy Tech Seniors”

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I should have mentioned this earlier; thanks for the reminder, @MM1. I’ve been using the Snug app for several months now. I live alone and if I don’t check-in on the app every day, a message will be sent to my daughter so that she can text or call to make sure I am Ok.

Here’s an animation with the details.

I give this app a thumbs-up for effective and easy use and it’s no-frills version is free.

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Which pump do you have? Does it suspend basal insulin based on CGM input? That will eventually raise BG, although longer to recover in case of bolus and delayed meal.

Another option is to prebolus smaller amount early, then more when you actually eat. You may get slightly higher BG rise, but will be safer.

Also set an auto off on pump if available. Will stop delivery if no button presses in last X hours.
(on Tandem, this option is under
Options - My pump - Pump Alerts - Auto off. )
I used similar option when i had Medtronic pump.

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I don’t know the details of your situation, and my solutions would not necessarily work for you, and like many, my partner is instrumental in my self-management, but some thoughts living alone:

  • I am never without my phone or my watch. If your watch can send alerts separate from your phone but you should decide to never be without them. They are medical necessities.

  • I use a a Dexcom 6, so in addition to the G6 app, there is Clarity for long-term tracking, but also the Follow app, which lets other people see your blood sugar level, but more importantly, get notification of your lows.

  • You need to see if you can recover hypoglycemic awareness. A diabetes educator might be best, since a quick review of material did not seem directly applicable and practical.

  • In the same vein, review your lifestyle to see what you can do to reduce hypoglycemia, and talk with your endocrinologist and their team.

Granted, you might have done these, or even more, already, just trying to help.

Restoring Awareness, Reducing Severity: A strategic approach to mitigating the damage of hypoglycaemia – What is Hypoglycaemia? | IHSG Online

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I’m sorry to hear that your husband has passed on. That is a very hard situation to get through.

You have to realize that your husband was your alarms, and he took care of things for you. You must also realize that technology is now your alarms. You have to have it and USE it. Having it somewhere else is not good enough. Also you have to form a habit of checking your readings every hour especially for at least 4 hours after you eat.

You should also review your pump settings and see if there is a pattern to when you have lows, and highs, as you may need to adjust your settings. Also, maybe figure out your carb counting and go back to check how you are doing in that end

Good luck and know that you can do this since you are in control now. Your husband really cared for you but you have to have something else now to do what he was doing for you

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You can share with anyone who has internet service

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It’s really tough to lose a husband or wife after decades of logical help when your own logic takes a break. I lost my wife to cancer two years ago tomorrow, after 42 years of marriage, and still break out in tears once in a while.
I’ve been diabetic for 63 years, and found my married years a lot easier than the preceding single years.
One thing that has helped me a great deal is using a Tandem t:slim X2 with Control IQ. In combination with the Dexcom G6 glucose sensor, it keeps my glucose levels controlled in a safe range most of the time. The pump alarm is very noisy and irritating when my glucose level gets as low as 55, which is still within the range for logical thought, allowing for quick eating of sweets for recovery to the normal range. The closed loop system really takes a big mental load off daily living, once it has been set up properly. I started on the Tandem because of the same risks that you are concerned about.
For about 17 years, I used a MiniMed pump, a couple of years with Dexcom sensors, but always felt at risk for low glucose. The closed-loop system has restored my hypoglycemia awareness. It took a few months, but I now usually check my watch(G6 reading) when I feel low, rather hear an alarm.
I suggest looking at a closed-loop system.

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So true. It requires, however, the knowledge needed to set it up properly, the dedication to consistently insert infusion sets and CGM sensors well, and finally, diligence to make it all work.

What I’m trying to say is that closed loop systems, by themselves, are not enough to ease your diabetes burden. But when you couple it with the other requisites, the magic can happen.

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I am so very sorry for your loss. :tulip:

Here’s a simple tip: I carry mega-smarties in a G-tabs tube in a pocket at all times. Three grams of quick carbs each, very handy and better tasting than G-tabs.

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Thanks, I haven’t done any research on closed loop but I may talk to my endocrine when I see him. I think that would relieve a lot of my stress. Thank you!

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Barbrann, so sorry for your loss. Be sure you have Glucagon at home. Glad you are on a sensor, is your low alarm set to 85 or 90? - that can give you an extra early warning. Hopefully your sensor is with a closed loop pump? Tandem CIQ, or Medtronic 770? If not, be sure to switch. Some people use a low carb diet so boluses can be a lot smaller (I even know of people who do not need to bolus for meals because their pump is able to pick up the rise & cover enough so their A1c is in the low 7 range). Speak with your Endo team, your home team has changed, so must your diabetes plan. Consider a DAD - Diabetes Alert Dog, who would alert you to the Drop in sugar when you are still able to treat yourself Dogs4Diabetics are trained to alert to sugars below 100 or with rapid drops. God be with you, look for T1d support groups for other ideas, suggestions. Consider “sharing” your sensor data with someone - they could text or call when their alarm goes off for you? Thinking positive thoughts for you.
Jeannie

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