Throughout my bout with cancer, one shocking truth is very clear: I am a sissy. I’ve seen children who are terminal laughing and playing, watched them endure procedures that I would never submit myself to, and live without complaint as they go through it all. This morning was yet another example:
I had to go to get four more masses biopsied in Pittsburgh this morning. Needless to say, I was very stressed out about the visit to the Cancer Treatment center. It wasn’t my first visit there, but hopefully my last.
While there, a small person was sitting fairly close to me as I waited. Of course, being a child, he was quick to notice that I looked worry and didn’t have the social graces to keep quiet about it.
It turns out that he (Jesse) was in for his third go around with the procedure - which is both amazing and worthy of tears at the same time. His mother glanced over as she listened to us talk (I must look more like a psycho that I originally thought).
Nothing deep or profound was said during the conversation until the very end. I had started to relax since I was able to get my mind off of what was in store for me and all of the possible scenarios that I would have choose when he said, “Mommy said that if I am brave and do not cry, she will buy me ice cream on the way home. I can ask her if she will buy you some ice cream too if you are brave and do not cry”. His eyes sparkled and he had a smile on his face as he said it.
There was only one thing to do: I excused myself, walked quickly into the bathroom, went into a stall and closed the door, and cried. I need to learn that ice cream is enough reason to be brave, not cry, and get through the hard times too.