I told myself I wasn't going to cry, and I told myself that you would get better. I planned it out in my mind; by the time you were able to come back to TuD to reassume your throne atop grace, love, and warmth that I'd have so many good things to tell you that it'd make up for all the time I missed with you. I’d also have invented carb-free chocolate. I guess I lied to myself.
Pup, I miss you so much. When I was first diagnosed exactly a year and a month ago, I was so lost. I knew the basics, but nothing more. See, a diabetes educator can only educate you about diabetes. They can’t truly understand the effects, emotional and physical, that diabetes has on a person. And that’s where you came in. I had no idea how to navigate this maze of uncertainty called life with diabetes. And then I came here, and right away, you swoop in and took me under your wing.
You gave me guidance, love and the understanding I needed to stand on my own as a type 1 diabetic. And now you’re gone. I miss you so much! I want so much to go back and read the last messages you sent me, the last words you said to me. But I know I can’t stomach it. I don’t know if I ever WILL be able to.
I do, however, know that you ARE looking down on me with love and warmth and pride. And that even though what I’m going to do in the future is far from certain, I know that I WILL make you proud.
Pup, it is with the deepest sincerity in my heart that I tell you that I love you. With the air in my lungs, with the salt in these tears, with the words in my mind that are now pixels floating in cyberspace, Pup, I love you. May you rest in all our hearts and in peace.
また後で, Jay
P.S. I’m gonna find you that carb-free chocolate one day.
What a truly heart felt post. I know that she always spoke with great pride about you. You made her feel like helping others really made a difference in people's lives. I hope that whenever you feel that life has thrown you a difficult curve ball, remember that Pup always has confidence in you and is looking over your shoulder.
ps. I do hope you will paste a copy of your post into the memorial thread.
I remember the day she asked me if "I'd seen this kid Jay". "You gotta watch this video! him singing Hallelujah" - she was so proud of you. Jay, we are looking forward to seeing all your accomplishments, college, career, and of course, carb-free chocolates!
Beautifully said, Jay! Please make sure to post a copy of this in our pup-memorial discussion, as Brian mentioned above! Now lets all make pup proud in carrying her thoughts and her love out into the world!
hugs
SC
Jay, i do not knwo how many times she asked me to watch your video. IF she was down she got the video, if she was up she got the video. I do know that her one wish was to see you get to and complete college. You now have an angel on your shoulder helping you out. Because, I knwo she is watching over you for sure
Oh my goodness, Jay. This post is so beautiful. I think we are all well aware of how much pup loved you, too! She talked about you with great pride, and often. Like others here, she admonished me on many occasions to check out your profile and keep an eye on you, because you are so very wonderful. She was a GREAT judge of character :) Thank you so much for sharing these words with us.
