I told myself I wasn't going to cry, and I told myself that you would get better. I planned it out in my mind; by the time you were able to come back to TuD to reassume your throne atop grace, love, and warmth that I'd have so many good things to tell you that it'd make up for all the time I missed with you. I’d also have invented carb-free chocolate. I guess I lied to myself.
Pup, I miss you so much. When I was first diagnosed exactly a year and a month ago, I was so lost. I knew the basics, but nothing more. See, a diabetes educator can only educate you about diabetes. They can’t truly understand the effects, emotional and physical, that diabetes has on a person. And that’s where you came in. I had no idea how to navigate this maze of uncertainty called life with diabetes. And then I came here, and right away, you swoop in and took me under your wing.
You gave me guidance, love and the understanding I needed to stand on my own as a type 1 diabetic. And now you’re gone. I miss you so much! I want so much to go back and read the last messages you sent me, the last words you said to me. But I know I can’t stomach it. I don’t know if I ever WILL be able to.
I do, however, know that you ARE looking down on me with love and warmth and pride. And that even though what I’m going to do in the future is far from certain, I know that I WILL make you proud.
Pup, it is with the deepest sincerity in my heart that I tell you that I love you. With the air in my lungs, with the salt in these tears, with the words in my mind that are now pixels floating in cyberspace, Pup, I love you. May you rest in all our hearts and in peace.
P.S. I’m gonna find you that carb-free chocolate one day.