Looking for Understanding

I joined TuDiabetes at the end of May while desperately seeking help for both myself and my younger brother. So many of you responded with wonderful advice and many of you became my friends. I just keep thinking...if only I'd joined sooner.

This week my brother, my lifelong friend, was found dead in his bed. I have been so scared that this would happen. He is 57 and has Type 2 Diabetes.

We won't know what happened until we get the coroner's report in 9 months. We now know that he visited the hospital and was kept overnight and then sent home. His daughters have been unable to discover the reason for the hospital visit. Our father was also found dead in bed while in his 30s and we were never able to find out exactly what happened. The thought that this may be the case with my brother as well just adds to the pain.

Warren was such an wonderful brother, father and friend. We miss him so much.

Thanks for listening.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I lost my mother just a little over twenty years ago. She just died. They said it was a heart attack. But I still ask myself if there was not something I could have done. Could I have been there for her that day. Could I have given her advice or changed the outcome? In the end, I've had to accept that there was nothing I could have done to change things. I'll always miss her as I know you will miss your brother.

Thanks bsc. You are one of the members who has helped me so much. I appreciate your constant efforts to help everyone. :) Joanne

Joanne, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what it would be like having to wait 9 months to find out what took the life of a loved one.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family for strength and peace.

Awww Joanne! My Heartfelt Sympathy to you/yours and Warren's Family.

I must agree with Brokenpole, 9 months is an unusually long time to learn the results. It's normally 1-3 months time. Depending. Your Brothers' Daughters will have to "push" for information on their Father's hospital stay. It is their right to know. Unless they have to wait for the autopsy report. Not sure. I'd ask a Lawyer.

Diabetes is famous for many complications including heart disease, as you know. I do not know about yours but my Dad's side has heart problems which makes matters worse for us.

Sending you and yours, comforting thoughts and healing prayers.

So sorry to hear of your loss, Peetie. Praying for your family and for you. It has to be so hard to lose your brother that you loved so much.

God bless you

BSC I'm so sorry to read about your mom. I lost my mom last year and even though I was with her, I still had those thoughts. When my mother-in-law passed, I spoke to the priest because I was very worried about her daughter. The priest said that she would be fine because she had no reason to feel guilty. He was right. I guess the guilt feelings always arise and we have to hold on to the loving relationship we had.

Brokenpole and Brunetta: Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. I really love how you two always lift up members on this site.

You were one of the first to welcome me as a friend on TuD. I have seen the pictures of you and your brother and sister. How wonderful that you were able to spend time with your sister. ((Hugs)).

Terrie: Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. You are right in that we need to wait for the autopsy report. One of his daughters is going to try to push the coroner again on Monday. I think the fact that he was at the hospital and sent home will complicate everything. With my dad, he had just left the hospital too but the circumstances were very different because he didn't die of natural causes. In this case, I know my brother wanted to live for his girls and his grandson.

Oh, Joanne, I'm so sorry! I'm sending strength and healing thoughts to you and the rest of your/Warren's family. Please remember to take care of yourself.

jrtpup: Thanks so much. I have a wonderful husband who makes sure I take care of myself.

Wow peetie, so sorry you have to go through this. I can understand the frustration the family must feel and trying to understand what happened. I'm also learning how scary diabetes is and almost lost my son to DKA just recently. I hope your family has comfort in the great love you shared for him and the wonderful momories you all shared with him. May God bless your family and give you strength in this time of need. Prayers for peace. Love in christ Kimberly

You know, I think I posted this here because I'm having a problem. His daughters have both stated that "he did this to himself" because he didn't take care of his diabetes. As few in the family escape this disease I really wish I could find a way to tell them how hard it is. The truth is he did take meds, go to support groups and get the A1C done routinely. It just didn't work and he became obese. He was on Avandia for quite some time and it took him awhile to convince the doctor to take him off. Even then, she first moved him to avandumet. Finally, last year, he was offered an insulin pen. He was not trained and when he asked how to bolus for carbs he was told that he needed to take the pills instead of the bolus. It has been a nightmare for him. Because my father had died in his sleep, he was absolutely terrified that this would happen to him.
Please, I don't want to start a discussion about treatment etc. I'm just trying to find a way to convince the girls that their father really did work hard to live for them. It is so hard to combat the idea that all he had to do was practise portion control and exercise.

Peetie, ya know, I think they're just looking for a reason. Who/what to blame. Anger and blame are part of the grieving process. I'd bet that being a loving father Warren protected them from a lot of his trials and tribulations. I'm sure you'll have opportunities with time to talk with them ;)

sometimes distance from others lives and there daily routine make it easy to not understand what people who have diabetes have to constantly struggles with. Trying to manage it and understand things as a doctor with a ton of knowledge is so hard. I agree with the other ladys. when the times rite you will know what to say. My father passed two years ago with type 2 and had been on advandia before he passed. he had severe heart issues about a year after being on this med but dont know if it had anything to do with him passing. Continue to find comfort in friends. thinking of you.

Im so sorry about your loss

Joanne, I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts. My wife who was also best friend died at 46 of breast cancer. One thing I know from that experience is that it helps to talk it out. Your Tu friends are here for you when you feel the need.

Oh my dear dear Joanne...Im so sorry. I wish I can give you a big hug right now. My thoughts and prayers for you and your brother Warren... I also wish to thank you...Made me again realize something that is so valuable...life!

Hi Joanne, we've talked, but let me repeat that I am so sorry for your loss. Perhaps in time Warren's daughters will be able to think more clearly and begin to understand something about the difficulties of dealing with Type 2. There's a lot of information out there about the possible tragic consequences of having taken Avandia. One can only hope that time will help them. My very best wishes to you and your husband.