i'm siobhan. a few weeks ago following a 12 hour spurt of amnesia i woke up in a hospital, covered in my own vomit, and babbling about how much i wanted my mother; who lives on the other side of the world. it was a bad, bad hypo, but i'm sure this is a familiar story. and the next day i felt fine. resentful, perhaps; because this little hypo-attack had presented itself in the midst of a week where i was directing a short film, not to mention the fact that the nurses had taken away my pump and i was back to stabbing myself nonchalantly in the abdomen with various spiky things, but to be honest i was annoyed at the 'big deal' everyone made out of one little hypo pass out. and in the following weeks too, it tainted my life. my mother called me daily and panicked when i didnt wake up to answer the phone at 7 am. my endocrinologist suggested i take some time off to 'recalibrate' and that i should be 'reeducated' about my pump, and maybe even see the dietician. (as you may guess. i was not a fan)
all i kept thinking was, they dont get it. its not a big deal. i've had this for 7 years. im not perfect, but this level of control is what i can sustain. im not changing for them. this is who i am.
but then with a little bitter reflection, my own adolescent arrogance soothed itself and i realized that what happened was a sign that things had to change.
after being so wholly inclined to spit a lot of four letter words at my diabetic specialist (who is actually not un-lovely), and go storming off cursing the NHS, at this point all i can do is take a good long hard look at the state of my health and start pondering how much i like living, and how much longer i'd like to remain in that state. i quite like banana bread. i'd miss that being dead.
so i guess its okay to say that things gotta change. im not okay with being sortof halfway okay most of the time and really crap some of the time.
annnnd to sum it all up, thats why i'm here. i dont actually have any diabetic friends in real life. i have no one to shame me for doing stupid things (which i do. a lot.) or applaud me for the little good things that only diabetics (or my mother) understand.
so yeah. im siobhan. im 19 in the uk and i study theatre and film. and here i am telling a website full of people about waking up in the hospital covered in puke. yep.
well first of all many of us have woke up in in some unusual circumstances. I dont recall puke in my life, but well other things for various reasons have occurred. Not to make fun of you most unfortunate situation, but here is a link to one of my prior blogs that you might enjoy. I hope you do.
So being upset, after a low? Yeah you know most of us type 1's have been there. I once had a doctor who said a very profound thing to me that i have always remembered.
I was what many term non compliant and not taking care of myself. He said Mr. Phillips when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired you will take care of yourself". I was not immediately moved, but today I contemplate that a lot. When I got sick and tired of being sick and tired I did change. He never thought for a second it would take over 20 years. But he was right. I finally got to that point. I am not happy you were ill and in the hospital but I am glad you have gotten sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Welcome to our site, we are not strangers here, we are all in the same boat. Welcome home. This is a great place............................rick
Well said, Rick. That's exactly what happened to me, after a lifetime of not caring and being rebellious of my diabetes I finally had had enough of my own self-destruction.
Siobhan, welcome and know that there are so many people here, including myself, who know your pain and frustration. I have written many blog posts on this very subject and you are more than welcome to read them from my profile page here. And I am available to chat if you'd like.
Good luck on your new journey to better health, it will not be easy, but it is worth it and you are not alone.
The part of your post that resonates most powerfully for me is
"i dont actually have any diabetic friends in real life"
We hear that comment -- or one like it -- daily. And I mean that literally: everyday. That, more than any other single thing, is why this community exists, and why we have members from nearly everywhere on the planet.
The bedrock principle of TuD, as stated by Manny, our founder, is "No diabetic should ever feel alone." That's how this community came into being.
You've come to the right place. Welcome to the family!
You have a way with words, or perhaps it's just because it reads as it's written from a more UK perspective.
I'm constantly warring with the NHS and my pump team ha, getting told off for my HbA1c being too low and being told to eat 400 grams of carbs a day by my dietitian (jog on).
Diabetes is exhausting... He says after his second low of the day which has just scuppered his evening exercise plans. Gah!
David is right, TuDiabetes exist so that "No diabetic should ever feel alone". You will find many that are here to support you. We will applaud you when you succeed but I doubt you will find someone to shame you when you don't. Instead you will find understanding and help from friends that know what you are going through because they have been there and because there is no shame in diabetes.
